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Quentin's first photographs

Yea so textures are a majority of the issue in foods than taste, at least for me.  After further consultation with wizard Willis the proper cutting and food preparing items must be obtained.  I agreed with his take on the matter after further thought.  I need things cut in precise ways to combine for optimal texture of things.  That in itself lends to a certain art form I can appreciate.  The work to arrange and combine all these elements I can see could be as satisfying as eating them.

So here is a short list of weapons based on suggests of Das Willis:

Wusthof Classic 2-Piece Knife Starter Set

Progressive International CSS-1 Collapsible 5-Quart Salad (that’s if you don’t like overly wet salads which I don’t)

A good bamboo cutting board.

A good rice cooker made by Zojirushi

Right now I’m starting a list of the food items to start. It will be small based around salads and brown rice.  One of the things Das Willis does is make his own dressings.  Using allot of processed dressings is basically taking a candy bard and liquifying it on your salad.

I have all the above items on ebay watch as I try and get low prices.  I might even do some food network photo breakdown ninja kicks for documentation.  Yea it’s all known to 99 percent of everyone else but not to me.

As always up yours Taco Bell and McDonald’s but spare the granita, let the granita live a long life.

Talked to Mary Jean on a nutrition plan to loose weight and get healthy by.. No I don’t consider it a diet or a temporary thing, it is for life.  Life or nothing in my mind so that should start next week.

Why so serious

Molly

So I went to the cancer support group yesterday and there was one suggestion Ive been thinking about.   I was trying to describe the changes of things in the last couple of weeks and it was suggested since I’m already documenting things here why not put that in this blog, which does make sense ( why not go all out).  Problem is while voicing these issues in the open is good for others I’m not sure people close to me could handle the way I express myself.  I’m debating that whole thing in that light.  It was said you don’t have to show anyone and it could just be for yourself but I don’t know if I find much value in that since I know there are plenty of folks either feeling or thinking the same things.  It always takes that one word or sentence that helps someone else open knock down there own door.

Besides I need the feedback and the connection if I’m going to open that door.

Then again if I’m trying to hard to articulate it because of those issues then it wont be as true as it needs to be.  It will require others to be more unselfish and understanding and my confidence in that lacks.

Then maybe again so what, fuck it that’s just how it has to be done.

All I know is right now the truth of things is starting to show themselves to me.  It’s like before the color blue looked one way now it doesn’t look the same.   Everything you might have held true to or been is different and changed in some way that seems to be taking a slow methodical knife to all the old layers.  I think it’s early still to really understand this but I know it’s happening. I’m on a road now where the end isn’t’ as clear maybe as I thought it once was.  I never been worried about change in fact I embrace it so in some ways I’m excited to see what happens while on the other hand I can’t formulate what might happen at the end.   That’s the weird part about it.  If you go to college to become a art major you kind of know where your going, maybe not totally but that choice has some fuzzy logic of the future you can understand.  This I can’t for see, everyday seems that my thoughts have changed, my idea’s have changed, everything  appears a little different.    It cuts it all to the bone though and if you are a seeker of truth you can’t argue with how it blows away the fog of bullshit.  It’s just for me a great deal of it is dark and unnerving.  Well maybe to others but not so much to me.

Dale Leys with persed lips and gazing at his old studio in fear the construction guys are going to mess up his zen.

See just by writing this I guess I have started the process.  Well no turning back now.  I visited with a drawing teacher of mine back in my college days recently.  He always says something that seems to stick in my head.  Well prior there was one thing now there is two things.  The first thing was ” What do you know what to draw you haven’t lived long enough yet “. Which I don’t think he is to proud of today that he said it (well he admitted someone else said it), but I really liked that thought at the time and still do.  The other was recently on my visit about me posting my surgery pictures.  He said ” If you had the courage to show those images then I was going to look at them”.   I didn’t really think about it at the time but on reflection ” Fuck yea ” that’s what I’m saying.  If I’m going to throw myself out there then its out of respect for that process he was going to look regardless of what he was going to see.  Now that doesn’t mean I expect my mom or my dad to, they can do what ever they like but  it was good to know that someone took it that way.

The thing is I have a lot of anger and it’s either going to break things down, or set them anew.  At least in my mind that would seem to be the only 2 possible outcomes.   For me to start laying those thoughts down is going to require some real understanding from people.  I guess we shall see, not only the truth in myself but, everyone else.  Who is going stand along side or who is going to duck tails and run.  I think if people would take it they would also gain regardless of how hard it is for them to listen and or read.   Sweeping things under the rug isn’t a option I have to say it regardless of how painful and or how raw it might be.