Belly Up

During round two of the House Hunt 2007, I spied something truly horrifying to a chickenshit like myself.

The baby and I met with the real estate agent to view houses 4-6. Four sucked, 5 is a nice alternate, and house 6 scared me. Gave me the palpitations. Caused me to grab the toddling girl and hold her for the rest of the tour. What happened in there, you ask? I saw a baby snake. A very thin, probably 3-4 inches long reptile that prompted me to say aloud, “Please tell me that’s a toy snake.” The real estate agent said, oh, I’m sure it is. Then she touched it with her shoe, and that sonofabitch moved. It goes without saying that I am freakishly afraid of snakes. Never been bitten, never had one strike at me. Must be the Eve/serpent thing from the Garden of Eden (not that I believe any of that scheisse). Or it could be that I grew up out in the sticks and got tired of seeing those bastards on the porch, in the yard, in the driveway, in the creek, blah blah blah. This fear is the main reason I don’t camp. Really.

If you can believe it, I manage to view the rest of the house after the snake moves more to the center of the room. Did I mention it had a yellow band around its neck and a triangular head? Hello, poisonous! Anyhoo, the real estate agent sees what she thinks is a dead one in the master bathroom, then says, “I wonder where the mama is.” Christ, I’m out of here.

House 6 did not make the cut.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 24th, 2007 at 2:38 pm and is filed under New Digs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.